Counselling focus
Identity and Shame
Shame can make life feel like something to manage, hide, or explain. There is room here to slow down.
Your experience matters more than a label.
At a glance
What we can work on together
Together we explore what shame has been protecting, what it costs now, and what may support more honesty, choice, and belonging.
This work usually includes
- Understanding where shame came from and what it has been trying to protect
- Noticing comparison, masking, performance, and people-pleasing patterns
- We start by understanding what brings you here, what matters, and what would make counselling feel safe enough
- Sessions are 50 minutes and we review the work regularly together
Details
Open the sections you need
You do not need to read everything before booking or contacting me.
Common signs this shows up as...
- A harsh inner critic, or a sense that you never quite measure up
- Feeling out of place in family, work, culture, faith, or community
- Comparing, curating, masking, or managing how much of yourself is visible
- Hiding parts of yourself to avoid rejection, conflict, or being misunderstood
- Difficulty accepting care, praise, desire, or intimacy
- Feeling split between who you are and who you learned you had to be
What we will focus on
- Understanding where shame came from and what it has been trying to protect
- Noticing comparison, masking, performance, and people-pleasing patterns
- Building self-compassion that feels believable, not forced
- Finding language for identity, difference, grief, anger, and desire
- Strengthening boundaries and choices that fit your values
- Practising small, consent-based risks toward being more fully yourself
What you can expect
- We start by understanding what brings you here, what matters, and what would make counselling feel safe enough
- Sessions are 50 minutes and we review the work regularly together
- Early sessions focus on trust, pacing, and making the problem less tangled
- Over time we look for choices that feel more honest, possible, and values-aligned
- If your needs sit outside my current scope, we can talk through supported referral pathways
This may be a good fit if
- You want help making sense of shame, self-criticism, or belonging
- You are open to exploring patterns with curiosity and care
- You want counselling that respects identity, culture, difference, and complexity
Not the right fit if
- You need urgent crisis support or intensive risk management
- You are seeking formal diagnosis, medical advice, court reports, or workplace assessments
Professional context
AUT BHSc Counselling, final year completed, and NZAC Student Affiliate member, with over 200 hours of clinically supervised counselling experience. I receive 1 hour of supervision for every 10 hours of client work.
FAQ
Questions about identity and shame
Short answers to common questions about this focus area.
Do I have to talk about my past?+
Only as much as feels useful. We can focus on what is happening now and explore history gently if it helps.
Is this only for LGBTQ+ clients?+
No. Shame and belonging get shaped by pressure to edit yourself, and that pressure is not unique to queer people. I work with adults from many backgrounds, and identity does not have to be the focus.